Step 1: Draw a Bath
In order to bathe your dog in a traditional method, you will have to draw a bath. More homeopathic methods are available, but that is a lot of hocus pocus. The bath needs to be warm enough for your dog to be comfy, but not too hot because then your dog will get burned and I will get so fucking mad if that happens.
Step 2: Put your Dog in the Tub
It’s tub time. You have to put your dog inside of the tub. Some dogs hate water and will not want to cooperate. If this happens, then you can give your dog a little Ambien to help them relax, as a treat.
Extra long dachshund, manipulated image of a very Long Dachshund, standing in front of white background, studio shot.
Step 3: Bathe the Dog
It is time to use some dog shampoo to clean your dog. You can rub the shampoo in circular motions all around the dogs body except for their butthole. Sometimes dogs get fleas but that just means you have more cool pets now so I would not try to get rid of them.
Step 4: Leave Your Dog in the Tub to Bathe While You Go Watch the Hit Movie Cats
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Step 5: Dry Your Dog
You can use a towel to dry off your dog and they will also shake to get rid of the water. Be careful of any fleas that escape. Enjoy your clean, beautiful dog!
How to Bathe a Dog 